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Archive for October, 2009

7 Quick Takes

I’m so sorry for having kind of abandoned this blog!  Life got kind of busy, so I’m going to use Jen at ConversionDiary’s format for doing 7 Quick Takes.

1.  We are pregnant.  And not just ANY kind of pregnant.  We are pregnant with twins.  This will make for babies number 5 and 6, bringing us to a grand total of 6 children in just under 8 years of marriage.  Our twins are doing marvelously, and are due sometime in April.  I’ve already grown 11 lbs of baby before, so if anyone can grow twins with as little difficulty as possible, it’s me.  Which brings us to point number 2…

2.  If we continue at this rate, we will be well into double digit children when all is said and done.  I am only 25, and could easily hit 14 kids at this rate.  Easily.  This has brought a lot of commentary from well meaning friends and family concerned about how we will adequately take care of this number of children.

3.  The simple fact is that I cannot adequately take care of 14 children on my own.  I can’t take care of the 4 I have adequately on my own.  I lack the virtue and the stamina to do even a “good enough” job without grace sustaining me through whatever we face.  So, I can either choose to rely on myself or I can try to walk by faith, or perhaps more accurately be carried by faith.

4.  I need to get over caring about what people think, especially for situations that are clearly beyond my control and where God has made His will abundantly clear.  When I think about it, the prospect of having 14 children total doesn’t actually scare me.  I have an extremely solid marriage, kids who are quite easy, and we started young enough that having 14 kids would give us spacing that is not terribly unmanageable.  What does scare me is the amount of sheer animosity that having a large family seems to garner.

5.  In praying about everything, what has become abundantly clear to me is that God always provides for you to be able to fulfill His will, and any conception clearly falls into the category “God’s will” because no human being can manufacture a human soul.  He would not ask you to do the impossible, although sometimes His will is difficult.  He will not entrust children to me that I cannot feed, or house, or clothe but sometimes I will have to rely on Him to work out the logistics and be willing to accept the help that He offers me through other people.  If this is the will of God (and who knows… I could wind up with a hysterectomy and never have another child again), His yoke will be easier than any of the alternatives, and it’s complete and utter foolish arrogance to pretend that just because God doesn’t call many people to have 14 kids that *surely* He can’t be calling ME.  In some ways, I feel like the total number of children we eventually will have has very little to do with me and everything to do with God choosing to create that child and our family being the chosen setting for that child to come into being.

6.  This is one of those times where if I’m going to make it through ok, I’m going to have to stick to what I really believe my priorities need to be.  #1, I need to be willing to let God love me and live within His love without excuses but also without shame.  #2, I need to be willing to be loved and to love in return the husband that God called me into marriage with.  #3, I need to let the love I receive flow through me to my children instead of relying on myself to somehow come up with all the necessary love and resources.  As a source, I fail.  As a conduit, God chooses how to care for our family and my specific gifts and talents are the tools through which He provides for us.

If I am a good Catholic, I will be a good wife.  I cannot love God with everything I have and then be cruel, demeaning, demanding or apathetic towards my husband.  The two are incompatible.  If I value my husband because God chose us for eachother, I will be a good mother because I could not possibly act with anything less than love towards the children who exist as the result of that relationship.  When I make that first choice for God, everything else important in my life naturally falls into place.

7.  Above all, God is good to me, and I need to make sure that my attitude is always in line with that fact.  With so many blessings before me, happiness is more than just a feeling: it’s a duty.

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